Let Furry Things Keep Breathing

Prepare to see life through my eyes… It'll be a colorful adventure.

Today Was My Last Day of High School June 13, 2011

Filed under: Life — Rebecca @ 2:19 pm
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Holy shit, I’m growing up.

 

I’m stoked like crazy and soooo happy to be out! But at the same time, I now have to step back and look at myself for real; all I can think is, “What now…? What do I do with my life? How do I accomplish the things I wish to do? What do I even want to spend my life doing?!”

 

I thought I knew, but I don’t.

 

I mean, I know what I want to do (for the most part)- I want to travel, experience things, learn, explore, inspire, be inspired, and just LIVE… but as far as what college I’m going to? Am I going to college right away? Should I take a year off? If I do take a break year, will I ever come back? What do I want as a career? How do I get the money I need to do the things I want to? Yeah, THAT stuff… Well, let’s just say I have no inkling of an idea.

 

For all of my excitement, I’m terrified, and that’s not something I ever saw coming.

 

~RJ~

 

“As Easy To Wrap Your Mind Around As An Impossible Maze” May 26, 2011

“Dream yourself awake in your red and black velvet coffin

Back to a reality that’s only real for you

Where your insides are your outsides and everything is shatter-mirrors-ugly

But at least now you’re not repulsive all alone

And no one shies from your smiling façade of a poorly hidden “please die”

Just take another aspirin or prescribed placebo pill

Whenever the sun begins to rise and chase away your soul mate storm clouds

Why suffer through the blur of cigarette smoke headaches and stale candles

When the light streak under the door beckons entrance to a grey world for the dreaming

Of bats and owls and sunsets at four in the afternoon

You need only choke on the pill in the Clandestine bottle

From a hired friend payed to listen in forged affection checks

Wake up to your conjured dreamland stupid creature

Laugh at the irony and delight in the pain of a stilted growth

A stem of thorns protruding from your swollen side

Eagerly dripping to dye the white tiles crimson shades

Seal with a kiss the gun loaded once with revenge’s bullet pointed true

And bask in a spotlight that’s avoided you till now when even the rocks pay attention

Bright circles newly cast by a world whose only interest is you

Pay no heed the strangely proportioned warning signs washed pale

In the ragged fur of interconnected beasts playing tricks on the eyes

Gnashing their layered teeth of blood lust

Your demons – the wolves in the walls with breath like fire

As you descend twisted stairs to explore it all anew

Fireworks of color released by lighting dandelions

Loud yellow weeds popping into hazes to obscure a harvest moon

And white seeds let fly in disappearing acts

Accompanied by macabre beauty wearing rat-adorned wrists

Dreadfully seductive with stutter-inducing eyes into your soul

Giggling at the somber and spending the dark with colorful strobe lights

Nothing is strange in the reality of the dream to first-sight loves

But ration your freedom encrusted in black sugar suicide

Let it be short lived or long died approaching

Scrawl an “I love you” in blood from your side before you collapse into shadows

Where beauty has no place save under a tree grown gnarled

Twisted and crooked raised in a soil of bones

Strung down by a tattered rope like a lace choker on a lady’s warm neck

Old friends once forgotten now wink in their nooses

Left for alive in a world of the dead, spare feelings up for the collecting

If tentacles don’t care to collect them first

Searching and grasping to force you back where others pay no mind when you’re there

Only silenced with needle and thread, pinned by decay

Your only chance to be saved as they said now imploding

As if you care, as if you’re not totally elated

Forever in an overdosed haze of negatively charged opposites washed dirty

Your world now your own as you wanted for bad or good

There’s no room for remorse under this tombstone”

~Written by yours truly on 5/25~

 

Midnight May 19, 2011

Tonight I’m going roller blading with one of my best friends ever, David, then it’s off to see the premier of “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” with Emma. I hope it’s good! This installment in the Pirates saga was directed by a different person than who did the first three, not to mention half of the original cast isn’t in this one, so I hope it’s not a disappointment… I’ll let everyone know how it went later!! :)

Sorry about the shortness of this post! Although I suppose you’re all used to it by now… :(

Simplyrebecca.tumblr.com

On a different note, I turn 18 in exactly one month. Eeek!

~RJ

 

Memory May 13, 2011

It’s such a funny thing, memory… I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. I can remember so much- many occurrences from a little before second grade and on mostly, yet these are such vivid memories… I just was sitting with my mom talking over dinner a few moments ago and I somehow began to tell stories of everything I remember from certain times in my life…

For example, I remember DEAR, Drop Everything and Read, in second grade, where I’d always curl up under my teacher’s desk, knees at my chest, book in hand, away from everyone else in my own private cave, and become instantly lost in whatever book I was reading at the time. I recall The Boxcar Children being a favorite… And then one day during DEAR I sat in my usual spot with my DEAR reading log folder (it had orca whales on it), but I couldn’t focus on my book because I kept wiggling my loose tooth. Finally I pulled it out! Scared the teacher to death I’m sure, seeing a seven year old crawl out from this little alcove holding a baby tooth in her outstretched hand and smiling a bloody grin. Once the tooth was secured in a plastic bag, however, and I had a tissue to staunch the small amount of bleeding, I returned to my lair and began to read. Until I pulled out my other loose tooth, that is. What a day.

Gosh, there are so many memories… All so engrained in my mind! Perhaps I shall post some more small ones later for your amusement.

I forgot what my point here was.

~RJ

 

Father-Daughter (lack of a) Relationship May 6, 2011

Just cause I share your DNA doesn’t mean you’re my dad. You don’t know the first thing about me, and I’m done trying to show you- the rejection has caused me too much pain. You’ll never understand…

I just hurt right now.

My heart hurts; heavy, I can feel its weight in my chest, pulling me down.

I just can’t afford to… I don’t know.

I just can’t.

 

“Not Your Job” May 1, 2011

“Self-appointed angel, what happened to your wings?

Have you finally opened your delusional eyes

And realized that which you should have already known?

Hate to say, ‘I told you so,’ but we warned you all along:

It’s not your job to ‘save’ them, any of them.

Oh, self-appointed angel, what happened,

What happened to your wings?

It’s better now that you can’t fly above us;

Put your feet back on solid ground where they belong.

You selfish and ethereal facade… I am not fooled.”

~Rebecca, 4/30/11

 

“I’m Just Going To Type (Whatever Comes To Mind)” April 30, 2011

“Hidden behind one-way screens

Opaque and unfeeling, they blind

Transmitting impulsive accusations

With not a moment’s hesitation

After the final draft has been typed

Is it that hard to give a warning sign?

Quick to over-analyze

Slow to relinquish blame

Fires consume that which they touch

And only charred ashes remain

Put out your soul’s destructive blaze

But only if you so desire

Yet once the damage has been done

Who’s to say for certain

That the water won’t make us melt?”

~Rebecca Joy, 4/30/11

 

Be Jealous of My Indian-ness April 29, 2011

My makeup for a friend's Indian-themed birthday party on 4/23/11. I had fun with my makeup... <3 (Sorry for the poor pic quality!)

 

“If You Looked Back (Would You Care?)” April 27, 2011

“See my pretty heart beat

From beneath its ribcage cell

Is it safe to set it free?

Time along will tell.

For now it flutters faintly

For now it belongs to me

Trapped alone, it’s broken

Even I can’t find the key.

The mending thread has vanished

It’s been used so many times before

On scratches inflicted and wounds carved in

But now I’ll bleed no more.

I’ve found an iron padlock

I’ve put my soul inside

My tears are gone, they’re all cried out

The “happy” girl has died.

My center of self has disappeared

The old Rebecca has fled for good

A shadow girl is all that’s left

Where once the real me stood.

You set me free back then, back when

You made me whole since the start

But now that you’ve moved on you’re just

One more scar to adorn my heart.”

~Written by yours truly: Rebecca

-4/28/10-

I think this was about the time Derek and I broke up; it hit me pretty hard.

 

SimplyRebecca.tumblr.com April 27, 2011

I’d NEVER abandon this blog, EVER, but you’ll have better luck keeping up with me and my life if you follow my Tumblr (in addition to checking this site, of course). The title of this post is also the URL for my Tumblr. I hope you enjoy.

~Rebecca

 

 
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