Wish July 4, 2008

The title of this entry is rather random but it felt right so I think I will just leave it up to interpretation. I really shouldn’t still be on now because of my current state, but I’m taking advantage of being on while I can because I’m not alowed on later because my family is leaving to go to a fourth of July picnic with their church. I’m not going ’cause I puked. I’m still shaking. Ugh.

Acually, I think this title might work. My wish is that I could die right now. That or be saved. Saved in some random yet still save-like-ish way. I’m making no sense. I should get off now but instead I’m going to ramble untill I’m forced off.

Bleh.

Sigh, bark, yuck.

Barf* not bark.

See…?

Problems.

No comment.

20 views today so far, 33 yesterday, 67 the day before. Yay.

Now with this being my…3rd (or second, I don’t remember, I’m too screwed up) post of the day I think I will get more. Views that is. I wish I had more everyday, like that 67 day, but not all wishes come true. In fact, very few things people wish for come true…or maybe that’s just in my life.

Sigh.

Cut…er, cucumber. Typo again.

Haha, maybe Maggie’s name for me on her blog was right – Vegetarian Emo Girl – Veg.

But I admit nothing.

Please don’t be scared away by all this, oh dear readers, I’m simply sick and dilutional…

I can’t even spell.

And, no, I am not cutting.

Chill.

Did I mention I wish I could curl up….or, not even curl up. I wish I could just sleep right now. For a long time.

Now.

Wish seems so…perfect…

I don’t even know why.

I think I need to talk to someone, via compy, but I can’t ’cause I’ll be booted off before anyone I really know reads this.

This is why teenage life sucks. Melissa (house guest and friend of Tiffany’s) asked if teenage life sux and I said yea. She asked why. I simply couldn’t formulate an answer because so many things in our fragile teenage lives can suck and go horribly wrong. Well Melissa, even though you don’t read my blog your explanation of why life sucks is above.

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

But wishes fade…just like those colors.

Anyone feel like saving me…? For I wish to be saved…

~Air…

Hate July 4, 2008

I feel so sick right now – both mentally and physically. This hatered that I’m feeling right now is eating me up inside, and it’s makeing me physically sick. I swear I’m about to barf. I just wanna curl up and die somewhere, and soon. I grabbed my iPod and put it on shuffle and the first song that came on was “She Will Be Loved” and it was just so fitting.

Thank God the computer is right near the bathroom ’cause I just lost this morning’s pancakes.

Anyway, that particular Maroon 5 song just always says something to me so the fact that it came on was…scary. Then “Dance Hall Drug” came on which was equally perfect because that’s the song I always go to when I’m upset. It’s wierd (just like multiple other recent things in my life). Music is like…my life to some extent, and the songs that randomely come on alot on the radio or on my iPod at certain times are just so relevent…it works.

I’m just so mad right now at my life – my siblings, my dad, myself. I have no clue. It can’t be healthy though. My siblings are just so…mean. It’s not like them to go this far. I’m being treated more so like the outcast than I ever have been before. Everyone has their partner or their group in the house except me. I’m so out of it.

Chris is speaking German right now. Have I used the word “fitting” yet in this post?!?! Because I really can’t stand German (no offense to anyone). I just don’t think it’s a pretty langage – it’s not something I want to hear.

I’m about to fucking pass out.

Ugh.

*Barf.* No joke.

The scars on my wrist are burning…there was a time when I felt like this much more than I have recently and I dealt with it… “that way.” Now I think I’m almost back to that point right now. I don’t know what to do…

My hands…no, my whole body is shaking as I type this. I’ve hit the backspace key way more than usual. That’s how many mistakes I’m making.

I feel like sh*t, you can tell ’cause I’m cursing so much. I think I’ll just fall asleep on the compy ’cause I’m so tired and I can’t keep typing. My thoughts aren’t coming together properly either. I’ll try to do another, more sensible post on this later.

 Untill then, goodafternoon, goodnight.

Sleepless Nights Spent Sleeping July 4, 2008

This is going to be a nice quick post because I must soon go back and woop my step-mom’s butt in Tetrus on the X-Box.

For the past 4 days I have been up untill at least midnight. Then I have slept in untill noon. This is a nice life – staying up playing card games and then sleeping the day away – because there is nothing more exiting in this house to do, due to the fact that I am never alowed on the X-Box or the 360 because my siblings are assholes. They refuse to let me play ever and are being such losers I think I might have to seriously beat them. But that is beyond the point.

This entry is simply to state my theory that late nights and late mornings for those of us who are neither late to bed nor early to rise people leads to too many dreams. I have already posted one of my recent dreams that was wierd, but that was before I even came to my father’s. However, in the past two nights I have had two strange dreams that I will not bother to describe in any more detail than the following:

1) 2 nights ago I had a dream where there were two captains of these two ships – one good and one bad – and they were, like, floating ships, and this was int he future, and me and my dad were in this pool/ocean thing and the current would pull you away and drown you if you let go if this rope railing, and my dad was being able to slowly but surely pull himself fromt he evil waters but then the pirate-y ship people showed up and the bad one yelled at the good one for not using the right sword because the one he was using was connected to the ship and he should have used Kenshin or whatever the sword was called, and yada yada yada…Then a lot of people died and I was in space on a half-blown-up spaceship in a room that had once been the living room and I was alone and my cats had died and I have no idea. It was wierd. Then my dad and my sister and I were in a futeristic mall and we called for a cop who gave me a ride to this one place (it was a robot cop) and I found my friend whom Maggie refers to as Pancake and he was with some other little girl and he told me what had happened to him and I told him about the deadly pool thing and the spaceship and then we were released and then I chased him through the mall on a bike and we were both going down stairs too fast on the bikes and almost hitting the bikers on the stairs in front of us and it was strange. I am not going into any more detail ’cause it will take too long.

2) Last night I was with my friend Kristin in the dream and we were having to climb mountain paths and fight necromancers who were following us. The first time my group was moving very slowly up the mountain so the flying ship that was carring the evil necromancers was catching up and let hem off at the edge of the mountain and they chased us and we beat them and then we were in a desert and it was dark. Then I was staying with this one sper poor desert lady whos home was on the sand surrounded by two cloths and she wouldn’t let me move one of the cloths so we would be better hidden from the wind. There was a raven plaque on the wall and she was very evily religious and I was nervous so then I met up with Kristin again and we left and we found our group and we walked around the edges of these mountains to the base of another mountain where we were to go in and fight more necrimancers to get to this happy place but first we had to go to another mountain and shear some animals. It was wierd. First we went to one cave and got the tools then we walked a long way again and went into a mountain cave with all the animals. I was like the first one tehre so I grabbed a sheep. I was done pretty fast so then Kristin and I got a car ride to the mountain with the necromancers. This was very strange and lucky because there were no cars so we were happy anyway ’cause we hadn’t had to trudge through the sand again. It was still dark. Then the rest of the group showed up and they were poking the ground outside of the necromancer cave and I whispered to Kristin that that was stupid because I knew some necros would jump out of the ground and sure enough they did and then we beat them back but only due to numbers, not skill. Then we went in the cave, got through, and came to this little rock formation that was almost like…a jungle gym because there was a slide biult on the far side and a ramp that we crossed. Kristin and I followed this one guy that I apparently liked then we found a back path that led to this little tree adn we could sit there hidden by bushes and watch everyone. Then the dream started over from the first mountain path part and this time we were a million times faster and got rd of the necromancers much easier and then we had to shear animals again and this time I got a goat who kept biting me and the dude I liked got a llama and I was jealous and then we went back to the mountain of the necros and Kristin and I somehow managed a ride again except it turned out to be the dude I liked who was driving. Then we made it through again, Kristin and I went to our tree, and then we were all told to gather around the part of the necros’ cave that we had come out of. Then these two old people came out and started taking people into the caves to test them. My friend Rome was in front of me and she got chosen first because the old lady liked her watch which was actually my watch I had lent Rome. Rome was nervous and resistent but eventually went in and passed. Then the two people next to her went, then she went again. Then the old man chose this girl named Shannon, took her in, and she came back telling everyone it was time for ice-cream. Turns out not everyone was tested – in fact only like 4 people were – and that Shannon had gotton to choose the ice-cream flavors. Then I couldn’t find any good ice-cream so I settled with vanilla and then I went back to the tree with Kristin, then Kristin left the tree, and then the dude I liked joined me, we made out, and then I woke up to Tiffany (step-mom) asking if I was going to come downstairs and eat. I replied with “eventually” and went back to sleep for three hours.

It was wierd.

~Airolyn

P.S. Sorry, and so much for quick – it turned out to be more than I thought!