Oh No Oh No Oh No… September 29, 2008

ANNIE!!!!

You are NOT inferior to me in any way, shape, or form, and I would never consider you as such! You are clingy and needy but not in the bad ways that the negative connotations on those words imply! You are caring and trustworthy, and amazingly awesome, and it’s always such a relief to talk to you and hear your voice! You and I are equals and I would never think of it any other way! If one is inferior to the other than it would be I am lower than you, ’cause trust me, you are so wise beyond your years. You’ve been through things that really sum up “my life sucks” and yet you keep going, and for that I envy you, where as I would curl up and melt rather than try to face my fears. You keep me going just as much as I keep you going, and I thank you for that. You’ve done nothing short of enlighten me and my life!

Don’t change and don’t worry!

I’ll always be here for you, now and forever!!!!!

All my love and more,

Airolyn

Nuuu! September 24, 2008

Meh, I have so much I want/need to post about but I can’t right now ’cause I’m being booted off of the computer!!!!

Wow, this is my shortest post ever, and number who knows what in my long line of genius posts.

I will have to check how many I have done soon…

Anyway! Just stay tuned, my faithful readers, for I shall return with three or so fascinating posts on my life of wonder depression!

Eventually!!!!

P.S. I am grounded from the phone until Friday, so no calling. (For the record, I was grounded unfairly!!!)

Wish (2) September 20, 2008

The title of this entry is rather random but it felt right so I think I will just leave it up to interpretation. I really shouldn’t still be on now because of my current state (uber depressed sadness), but I’m taking advantage of being on while I can because I’m not allowed on later because my mom is leaving and no one is allowed on the computer while she’s gone.

Actually, I think this title might work. My wish is that I could die right now. That or be saved. Saved in some random yet still save-like-ish way. I’m making no sense. I should get off now but instead I’m going to ramble until I’m forced off.

Bleh.

Sigh, bark, yuck.

Barf* not bark.

See?! This keyboard SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! There are millions more typos it’s making but I fix those immediately. I figured I’d leave that one though just because I can. So there.

Problems.

No comment.

I wish I had more views everyday, like that 67 day, but not all wishes come true. In fact, very few things people wish for come true…or maybe that’s just in my life.

Sigh.

Cut…er, cucumber. Typo again.

Haha, maybe Maggie’s name for me on her blog was right – Vegetarian Emo Girl – Veg.

But I admit nothing.

Please don’t be scared away by all this, oh dear readers, I’m simply sick and dilutional…

I can’t even spell.

And, no, I am not cutting.

Chill.

Did I mention I wish I could curl up….or, not even curl up. I wish I could just sleep right now. For a long time.

Now.

Wish seems so…perfect…

I don’t even know why.

I think I need to talk to someone, via compy, but I can’t ’cause I’ll be booted off before anyone I really know reads this.

This is why teenage life sucks. Melissa (house guest and friend of Tiffany’s) asked a few months ago when we were at my dad’s if teenage life sux and I said yea. She asked why. I simply couldn’t formulate an answer because so many things in our fragile teenage lives can suck and go horribly wrong. Well Melissa, even though you don’t read my blog your explanation of why life sucks is above.

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

Wish…

But wishes fade…just like those colors.

Anyone feel like saving me…? For I wish to be saved…

~Air…

P.S. This is actually a tweaked version of a post I wrote a while ago (maybe 4 months or so ago) that just plain fit how I feel right now. Plus, judging from the lack of comments that post got (a grand total of zero comments) no one read it so it won’t matter that it’s being re-posted…

I Don’t Feel Like Posting Much September 20, 2008

Well, the title pretty much explains it all…

Just wanted to say that today was GRAND!!! I got to bike to our Borders store which is all of 1.5 miles away, stay there from 12-6pm (the only bad thing is that I had to wear my mom’s old helmet from when she actually rode her bike; the helmet is a light pink with leopard spots that makes my head look huge and hideous. It sucked greatly), and then came home to find that I get to stay up tonight because Mother Dearest is going to a party. So I have to babysit. Good points of this: 1) I get to stay up. 2) I get to be on the phone later. 3) I’m IN CHARGE. Bad points:1) No one here will care if I’m rightfully in charge so I will have to deal with four screeching banshees (my siblings) who will most inevitably complain (quite LOUDLY) about having to go to bed by 9:30. 2) That’s about bad as it gets.

My hand is shaking as I type…like, twitching up and down at the wrist…maybe it’s the angle at which I’m holding it to type…still odd though…

Nope, moving that hand didn’t fully stop the twitching…that can’t be good. Oh well, I suppose after an almost perfect day something was bound to go wrong…

The keyboard still sucks.

The next paragraph don’t concern anyone but Annie – I would appreciate it if everyone who isn’t her would just refrain from reading it, unless you are overwhelmed by such curiosity that it would kill you to not read it. Just a warning though, it neither concerns you other readers, nor will you understand it, but whatever – you all are stubborn so read on if you like.

Annie: I’m so incredibly sorry – you have no idea. I can’t explain how much I wish I were more helpful and could help you with your current pain…please call if you can – I should be available…I hope. I…I don’t know what to say. As far as Ellie goes, you might just have to tell her to shut it and that you aren’t going to change for her – she needs to be your friend despite that fact or she needs to get lost. I hate to be that blunt, but being the clever person you are I’m sure you’ve already figured out that that’s your best option at this point. And for the rest of your friends, they need to try to be at least a little intelligent and understand that what you’ve gone through isn’t something you just “get over,” it’s something that effects your WHOLE LIFE. I would be blunt with them as well, if you can mange it emotionally and do it without losing all your current (and ignorant) friends. I have no other comment to be placed on here concerning that at the moment.

Back to a happier note, I drew the best human face I’ve ever drawn the other day in art class. It is a gorgeous women who is probably oriental with slightly defined bone structure and a headdress. I love the picture – it looks sooooo good! I also drew some eyes from a book cover today at Borders which are quite stunning if I do say so myself… And I was able to start two books – one was the 9th in a series I love and I am so glad to have found it because I didn’t even know it was out but had been dying to read it anyway; and the second book I started was a new book by one of my favorite authors: Ellen Hopkins, and is entitled Identical. I have them both currently on hold at the library due to the fact that I was too poor to purchase them today at Borders. I also have to save up for a how-to-draw-fantasy-creatures book by an artist who did a how-to-draw-dragons-and-other-mythical-creatures book which is WONDERFUL. I can’t wait till I have enough to buy the second one.

Now my mother is home from her run and I am not to be on the compy so…

TTFN, ta ta for now!

~Airolyn

P.S.    So much for not posting much, this is much longer than I expected it would be, but I suppose I should have seen it coming that I would type more than I originally thought I would – I always do…

I Know, I Know… September 16, 2008

I should post.

I NEED to post.

And yet I can’t form proper sentences to express how I feel right now.

I think it has to do with the fact that one of my friends is hurting, and when my friends hurt, I hurt. I can’t stand to see the cruelty that people insist upon inflicting on others put into action against people I love. It confuses me that others can be so heartless towards a fellow human being. I understand that it happens, yet I can’t fathom it – I can’t ever imagine being purposefully mean to someone who has never done a thing to me, or who has never provoked me in any way.

It makes me want to hurl and kill at the same time when I keep coming to the same realization that a heart is now a rare find. Humanitarianism is down the drain. Followed by humanity itself.

I really can’t take it.

So then, until I can cool down and figure my way out of this mess that really doesn’t involve me at all, and until I can find the time and energy to do all the catching up posts I should and want to do, I think I will go finish an essay responding to a quote that states how unfair life can be that is due tomorrow in English class.

Oh the irony…

-Airolyn-

P.S.) I love you all.

I felt the need to type that, if not for you all, then for myself, to make me feel better – to make me feel like I’m not just another heartless monster that is running amok amidst all the sorrow that is surrounding us.

To make me know that I can still love, and that I, like precious few, still have a heart. Just like all of my friends do. That’s why I love you all so much.

Fox, I’ll miss you more that you know…

AyAy Aaayyyy….. September 12, 2008

Annie: YOU ARE NOT BEING A SUPER CLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, you are, but I don’t care – it doesn’t bother me!!!!! I’m a super cling, too, so IT’S OK!!! Stop beating yourself up about always leaving comments and such, and call anytime!! (I’M NOT SCREAMING AT YOU TO GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD, NOR AM I *SCREAMING* IN ANGER, I’M SCREAMING BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! IN FACT, I’M NOT SCREAMING AT AAAALLLL!!!!!) xD

I love you!!!!!!! So chill – I’ll never leave you. =)

To every other reader: Sorry about the first part – had to clear something up! ^_^

To Maggie:I’m so insanely sorry that your b-day sucked – it was supposed to be GRAND!I hope the rest of your week is much better, and don’t ever forget that I’m here for you and I love you!!!!!!!!!

To Fox (as she insists that her real identity remain top secret… O.o ): Don’t worry, I know what it’s like to be alone during the school day – I don’t know many people at my new school, remember? And very few people seem keen on being friendly… But I know you’re bored at home alone being all “computer-schooled” and what not… It sucks. But I also miss and love you, and you know and have obviously remembered that you can call me whenever!! (But I do request that you stop calling in the mornings at 6AM cause if I decide to sleep in till 6:15 then my mom answers at 6 and gets mad sooooo…let’s avoid that!!) xD

To everyone else again!:

Man, I m sooooooooooooooo far behind on posts I need to do!!

I need to do one talking about how my school sucks, I need to do a “Friendship Series” post for Kristin and for Louis (and all my other buddies, but I owe those two especially!), and I’m sure there is much much more…

Also, my keyboard is still sucky and not responding to every button I push so bear with me if you catch a ton of missing letters… the ’s’ key is being especially bad…

Ummmmm what else…

O.o ?

I don’t know, but that’s OK cause I have to go anyway!! Was just a check-in post…

TONS OF LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS AND READERS!!!!!!!!

(>^_^)> *hugz!!* <(^_^<)

~Airolyn

Boredom Does Strange Things to People… September 9, 2008

I got bored in lunch because it takes me five minutes to eat, not the 50 they give us, and I have no one to talk to when I’m done eating so I draw. Or, as in today’s case, I write.

Here’s what I came up with today…

O.o

“What do you do when you have nothing left to draw? When the ideas have vacated your head leaving only dust motes and faint revelations directed towards last week or last class? When your mind has become a dull void, the likes of which cannot be penetrated but by distant murmurs and quiet conversations that don’t at all concern, involve, or interest you? When you have no flicker of an idea left to put onto paper- either in words or in colored pens that usually almost seem to move themselves with your imagination into the desired picture? – but now your imagination has, so it seems for the moment, run dry and run away, escaped to some realm of creativity that your head apparently no longer possesses. “I’m just an artist and I’m drawing a blank,” says a song now stuck in my head. For an artist this feeling of lack and loss is the epitome of boredom and conformity. You have lost the ideas that were once coveted by others, the ideas that used to spring unbid to your mind, urging you to pick up your pencil or brush or pen and express your unique sense of being; you have lost a sense of purpose and difference and without it the artist feels alone.

“The same is true of the writer, for when the words refuse to come together into logical yet fantastically realistic sentences that you are so used to producing, then you feel a sense of dread, and an overwhelming need to write, and yet your ideas won’t formulate to make the pencil move. When the scratching of the pencil stops, so then does your will to continue trying. You are at a loss when such boredom as this puzzles your mind to the point of emptiness. But this is the time that matters most – the time when the colors should spread even more intricately than before across the piece of sketchbook paper, and when the scratching of the pencil, the noise of words being released, should sound loudest. For in the midst of loss of ideas – well, is that there not an idea? The idea of a page filled with pictures and letters focused upon the complete lack of an idea and creativity you suffer from? Let the images reflect this and release it!

“This is what I do now, I write though I have no inspiration to do such a thing, and yet I think it has formed quite nicely into something I could have never seen coming, something completely unpredictable. And that is the test of true creativity!”

So, as you can see, I was bored.

And I apologize for any missing letters in the post or combined words- my keyboard SUCKS!

~Airolyn

Birthday Bests September 9, 2008

To my dearest Maggie, who is also known Margaret and Magzela Maggot- with love, of course!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And more exclamation points to reach around the world a few hundred times… =D

May your birthday be…

~Full of cake and ice-cream and laughter

~Makes-you-want-to-barf-rainbows happy

~Sweet as your personality

~Corrosively grand(just because I wanted to use the word “corrosive”)

~Full of randomness the likes of which could only be created by no one but ME (and possibly you, my dear)

~Inappropriate touching like that day on the bus… you understand what I mean…darling… O.o!! (No one but those who rode my bus last year try to understand that joke because you WON’T – you will only think you have and then be scarred for life with your WRONG conclusion!!)

~CDs and gifties and what have you

~SMILES!!! =D

~Random and semi-expressive words (MAGOFOLOUS!!)

~Dreadfully missing me…

~Full of the knowledge that you will never escape me!!!!!

~16-ish

~Vegetarian friendly

~Hippo-not-emee-ish

~All about you and your ROCKING self!!!

~Twilight obsessiveness (even though the end of Breaking Dawn was a total letdown in terms of adventure and fighting and what not… =/ )

~Amnesia so you forget what a loser Iam for actually posting this… xD

~The threat of being kidnapped soon by yours truly

WISHING YOU ALL THE BIRTHDAY BESTS WITH TONS OF LOVE THROWN IN BY MOI,

YOUR FRIEND ‘TILL DEATH DO US PART,

THE INESCAPABLE, UNEXPLAINABLE, INDESCRIBABLE…

~Airolyn