So I was allowed to have the shindig, but I have to suffer through some other undecided punishment because I didn’t finish the paper by 9pm that day, even though I did finish it eventually…
Oh well.
But, at the shindig, I had a revelation, and it wasn’t a happy one.
It has to do with Brenden. Enough said, hm?
Well, we were throwing a football around in the backyard, and it was guys vs. girls, even though there were 2 guys to 4 girls (until Luke, my brother, joined in on the guys’ side). So, this one girl I invited (mostly because she saw the invite to EJ and because I supposed she was cool enough) named Marissa kept getting the ball passed to her and then just…holding on to it. Know why? ‘Cause Brenden was going quite quickly after whoever had the ball. She likes Brenden and I knew this previously but I was hoping my mom’s no PDA rules would kinda make things OK, not to mention considering he had flirting so strongly with me the past week made me think everything would be fine, but things weren’t. She tried (poorly) to make it look like she was deciding who to throw it to, but she was really just waiting for Brenden to come and half tackle her from behind, then wrap his arms around her to try to get the ball from her hands. She was having fun…and so was he.
He’s been (half) flirting with her, too, some of the week, but I shrugged it off ’cause I was stupid and blind-ish.
Anyway, I wasn’t playing any more so he came over to where I was sitting and got so close our foreheads were touching. Sad thing is, I let him, and this has happened so many times before…I liked it (before the shindig that is) and so I shrugged it off. Why?! you ask? ‘Cause I’m a hopeful retard. He told me I should come play and have fun with everyone else ’cause it was my party, after all, and he was right, but I refused. He waited a sec then went back to groping Marissa. Well, it wasn’t really groping, but close enough…it was even worse because not only was he flirting with both of us, but he still has a girlfriend, even though he’s been saying he’s gonna dump her. He is, but he hadn’t by the time of the shindig, so the invasion of my personal space that was way too intimate for people no longer dating wasn’t appropriate.
And the whole time my mom wouldn’t leave me alone about it so that sucked…she kept coming outside and whispering to me, “I hope you realize what’s going on,” and all that crap like I couldn’t figure it out for myself.
So my revelation was this: Brenden only has one side; there’s no deep side, no intellectual side, no nothing, except for his one side – and that’s a flirt. He’s a player, and I don’t especially think it’s always intentional, but it’s because that’s what’s always worked for him. He’s really cute so getting close to someone usually probably gets him his way, and it also gets him pretty much any girl he wants, I’m willing to bet. He’s the kind of guy who can switch girls whenever; he could break up with someone then have a new girlfriend or at least another girl after him by the next day, if not the same night. Turns out most of my friends have or have had a crush on him. ‘Cause he’s just…like that. I don’t know.
Anyway, I figured out that that doesn’t do it for me.
I need someone who has a brain and some depth rather than just great kisses and a comforting closeness like him. I think all I really got caught up in was having that someone there.(Especially when that someone was erm…a uh…good kisser… *^_^*)
And so, for that reason, I’m happy he dumped me when he did; I’m happy he freed me earlier then I would have liked at the time. I mean, I still miss him and I’m still getting over him, even with the help of my newest revelation, but still.
I think all we had was a physical attraction, but not in that way, people! Puh-leez. I’m not like that… -.-”
Anyway. That’s that. I’m still uber sad and lonely and wishing I could have another boyfriend there for me right now, but not all wishes come true, immediately at least, so until then I’ll have to be patient.
But hey, the shindig wasn’t all bad! I got to meet EJ’s boyfriend, David, who I had told her she could bring if she wanted. I’m really glad he came ’cause before this I hadn’t really known any more about him then what his face looked like and what his name was. Turns out he and EJ are actually really great for each other! He’s like my group of people: hyper at times, funny, and cool to be around. He fits right in, so congrats, EJ! Also, at least he and EJ are polite! I only think they kissed once the whole time and it wasn’t rude or even when people were around, so it was nice that they had respect. I hope we all get to hang out again soon!
Erin also came and she was awesome! We swung in the hammock and just goofed off being ourselves!
Also, EJ and I have another inside joke! I made everyone a smoothie when they came, and they loved them! It was the magical smoothies that I gave you all the recipie for in a previous post. Everyone got really hyper and we couldn’t stop laughing after awhile, so we all joked that the smoothies had been spiked or something! Now whenever I say “papaya juice!” to EJ she and I crack up! It’s awesome! :D
So that’s the update!!
~Airolyn
</3 and <3 ….? :)
P.S. In the background here at my house I have music playing from an awesome site called Pandora (pandora.com). Look it up! You create a “station” by typing in the name of a song or band you like and the site comes up with a list of songs that are somehow similar to the thing you typed in. They help you explore artists you didn’t know about through music you know you like! It’s really cool and hard to explain, so just check it out!!!
